


Empty

by DonaldTrumpsasshole



Category: Banana Bus Squad
Genre: ? - Freeform, ?? - Freeform, Almost death, Blood, Blood Play, Blood and Gore, Depression, Hospitalization, Knife Play, Love, M/M, Violence, jon has a boner, luke has a kind heart tho, theres no cartoons| luke patterson so i just put it there
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-15
Updated: 2017-12-15
Packaged: 2019-02-15 01:35:35
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,462
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13020495
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DonaldTrumpsasshole/pseuds/DonaldTrumpsasshole
Summary: Its sad but gets good, I may add more to it but idk.Also its Explict because of graphic depictions of blood and gore basically.





	Empty

**Author's Note:**

> This is for reading purposes only please don't act out what delerious did to yourself

at one period I thought of cutting the body into minute fragments and destroying them by myself but luke was standing over my shoulder and there was already blood everywhere, looking down at my hands bloody and shaking. I looked up and saw the hallway three dead and blood on the walls.

I felt a twing somewhere inside of me, a part of me that yerned to do this all over again, a part of me that wanted to jut my bloody blade back into a neck, slice it and feel the tendons cut, feel the bones pop and crunch.

I wanted to do everything over but its already done and I don't want to torch the whole place to the ground. I wanna be there, when the police see the bloodied dead bodys and me standing over them, wanna see the terrer shake them and there eyes widen.

'Why hadn't he left' one would think.      'maniac'       'stupid'  

"we've got 'em" under thier teeth, the swift words spill out in self confidence, in cocky ignorance.

Luke pressed his hand into my shoulder and I looked at him with dead lifeless eyes, he looked back with worry and some pity.

"Lets go" a 'helpful' whisper of an old friend, a request even.

We got out and luke through a lighter into the big house, the flames red and begging for air, more, and more of the scentless molecules. The sight was breath taking, but nothing sturred in me anymore. 

I'd lost myself, and luke, he, helped. not like I expected, but his lips are nice, calming.

After being called psychotic and mentaly insane, unstable, heh its funny to think I've lost what I am. What I've created, the empire that rised against everyone that sought to fight us, we killed, murdered and kidnaped.

Now all I do is sit, depressed in a big office on the top tier of a glass skyscraper. Getting emails and sending kill orders, after a while I sought therapy. It doesn't work, just makes me more depressed, I've  skipped a stepping stone though. Saddness.  
I'm just empty. An over emotional, empty, empathyless body waiting to die.

Luke, he'd been with me comanding and leading, climbing rank after rank. I'd appointed him to be the same rank as me and we have the same office now, making decisions together and having a good time, till everything stopped being in the moment and things went right back to how they were before empty.

Lui, a comanding officer, my best friend, and at one time in my life a person of interest, died.

Luke was stressed and sad, yet I felt nothing. Luke yelled at me once, threw paper and pens off his desk shouting 'do you not care'.

I said that I didn't.

"I don't, I don't care that Lui died, Cartoonz." I was standing and luke stormed out, I cried and cried and cried, until my chest burned from hyperventilating. My eyes ached and my throat gagged. 

Luke came in at 3am wanting to apologize and well he found me, found blood on the carpet, and some on the walls, but most was on me. My hands and forearms, holy, littered with deep, long cuts.

My shirt was covered in a deep crimson mohogany red, he pulled my shirt up and I had my knife in my hip up to its hilt.

Luke took me too a hospital, where I stayed for eight months.  
I left in silence with a new hip and a breathing tub in my nose that went down into my lungs.

When I got into lukes car, I smiled. Not because I was alive but because everything felt so fucking terrible, I wantted to die even more and I laughed, I laughed wholesomely.

Luke looked mad but confused, and I said how good it feels, 'how good the cuts feel, they're healing and the artifical medicine on them made them singe and sting. I wanted the hip to hurt, so fucking bad, 'I wanna feel so fuckin' terrible luke'

'Why'

'Feels so fucking good cartoonz' A border line moan, and luke understood.

Luke drove back to his house, I walked in and let my shoulders drop. Luke wrapped his arms around me and pressed me against himself.

I hugged back and admitted into his ear, 'i didn't mean to almost die, I just caved, and i-it felt so good, I couldn't stop Luke.' Tears bordered the edges of my eyes and cartoonz rubbed one hand up and down my back while my hands dug into his hair.

I could feel his fingers rise and drop off of a bone, the surgerys and months of nothing but liquids left me worse in weight than i was before.

Luke balled my shirt into his hands and hugged tighter, which concered me but I didn't have time to think about it when he kissed my neck.

I chuckled when he sighed and said 'You have no fuckin' idea how long I've been fucking waiting for you to be here' angrily and longingly.

I made a noise of content happiness and my voice broke causing a broken sound to come out. Luke pulled away and I departed as well, my smile was gone and my mind felt empty again.

Hours with Luke went by and all I focused on was the obscene noise that came out of the tube up my noes. Luke talked about what happened when I was gone and how he took my place until I was better, he talked about his feelings too. We shared a lot but I just wanted to listen, he told me that he was worried and he constanly thought about me, I shared that I don't know what was going on when I was out. It was like clouds and a shaky mind and vision, Luke said that he knew it would have to be said, i knew what he was talking about, and its about time, he chuckled and i still felt empy and my stare was blank.

Before all this, when I first started to feel empty I went to luke and told him everything, he huged me then and it felt warm maybe homely. Then we started hanging out more, more of siting on the couch and talking while he sends emails and talks back.

Luke started it and I went along because I needed something to cling to when i was confused, never felt so empty so i clung to someone that could fill it.

It was mostly kisses and things like that but we needed each other more at other times, not often but it happened and I liked it.

Luke talked about his emotions in a lighter mood at the table, my arms aching but I had a faint smile. I missed when I could say what I was feeling and I didn't have to hide anything even the little details.

After that day my vision was hazy, I was in a depressed lust and I wanted to just be out of it mentally, what ever it was.

Luke entertained and helped me, we talked and I went with him to the office, the glass building was just like when I left, the papers were cleaned up and the blood gone.

I swore I could still see some but it was propably just the memory, I shadowed behind Luke, resting my head in his neck and talking for a while not really holding conversations 

We kissed here and there, Luke held me, my hands wrapped around my waist while hes behind me. I could hear and feel his heart beat then and i liked knowing that hes there, I don't like that he can't have that with me though. I'm so distant, just looking anywhere, a nine mile stare if you will. 

It was late and Luke was finished for the day, I was in his lap while he was sitting in his chair. My head on his chest, I was looking out the glass, the sunset a purple red. Beautiful.

Luke pulled me up and I straightened, looking at him. His hands went to my new hips, my skin soft and real. I kissed him, for being there and here, for being him, being a friend. Cartoonz was careful while he kissed me, giving me time to breath and not making me out of breath because of my breathing tube.

Something stirred in my stomach and he could feel it rubbing against his abdomen. I didn't know what I was doing but it felt good.

"I wanna help you but I don't know how" Luke breathed on my lips and I kissed him again, one of my hands cupping his cheek.

"Its okay"


End file.
